This is my own story of life with advanced ovarian cancer. I do not offer medical advice, and my treatment decisions are my own. Please talk to your physician or healer and gain as much information as you can about this dreadful disease called cancer. Remember, knowledge is Power!

Monday, October 25

It's Been A Weepy Week

I've spent a lot of time at TWC lately. Last Monday I went to the Mind/Body thing, where we learned more about positive thinking, self-hypnosis, meditation, things like that. It was very informative. 

Tuesday, my son and I went to the Kid2Kid/Family2Family thing that we'd been to a couple weeks earlier. We shared a nice dinner with another family, then split into our separate groups. The kids got to do sand trays, which is a very therapeutic, interesting and effective way for them to express themselves. 

On Wednesday, I went to the Relaxation/Visualization class, which was incredible! Low lights, soft chiming music, the voice of the therapist softly leading us to happier places- wow. I'm definitely doing that again! Then straight from there to my weekly support group in the other building. 

Thursday, I went to the Cooking For Life class. The main theme was eggplant. Now, I'm not a big eggplant fan- I've had it a few times and just wasn't impressed. But the dude that ran the class showed us 3 different ways to use an eggplant. He is really big on Moroccan cooking, so he made a tagine, some baba ganoush, and some eggplant "burgers". I must say- I left that class stuffed to the gills! Then it was off to the other building for the Five Wishes class that explained Living Wills and advanced directives. I can't even tell you how weepy I got that night reading through that. And for a few days afterward, too. (they did warn us that it might bring out some "strong emotions". They weren't kidding.) 

You know, I really thought I had it all together, but apparently I don't. My game-face fell off, and my Laugh-In-The-Face-Of-Death attitude took a hike. It wasn't even about the preparing-to-die thing, really (which I'm not). What got me, was what I thought people would/should do naturally for someone in their final days- it never occurred to me that some people would actually need it spelled out for them- things like playing music, or holding your hand, or praying, or BASIC COMFORT care, like a cool cloth on your head, or keeping you clean. I don't even know the kind of people that wouldn't do that for someone, and it broke my heart to think that others don't get that kind of  loving treatment.

Anyway- I was making notes in the margins on my Five Wishes list, and wrote down the names of a few people that I would like praying with me. I have a couple friends outside of the church that I really connect with on that level. I went out on Friday night to see my friend's band play at this biker bar and lo and behold, there was one of the guys on my list! I hadn't seen him in awhile, and he was there sitting in with the band. We were talking outside during the break and he said "you got time for a quickie before I go back in and play"? (He meant a PRAYER, you pervs- you know who you are!) So there we were, standing out in the parking lot of the biker bar praying quietly while the thunder of motorcycles filled our ears. It was a beautiful thing. Thank you, Kenny Goodman! (his bio says "God and Guitar") Yes, indeed. I cried all the way home.

Yesterday I took a ride out to Surprise to see a pastor friend of mine at his church. It's pretty far away so I hadn't seen him since he baptized me last year. He is one of the other names on my list of people I want praying with me/for me. Don't get me wrong, I welcome prayers from EVERYONE, but these guys are special. We caught up a little before the service, and when he heard my news he immediately rounded up the elders from the church. They surrounded me in a protective cocoon and sent up some heavy duty prayers, for me, and gave me their blessings. He also talked about me during the service, so I had a whole lotta people coming up to me afterward sharing love and support. It was incredible! After church I met up with one of my very best friends from waayyy back that I haven't seen in a long time. We had a wonderful time together- it was like we'd not spent the last 5 years apart. And I cried all the way home. 

It's been a weepy few days for me. I think I've cried more this past week than the whole 18 months since I was diagnosed. I don't think I was crying for myself; I think it was more because people believe in me and show me so much love- it overwhelms me at times. I pray that you all have friends  and family like mine. I love you all.


  1. Hey girl,
    Friend of Tinas' on Tinas Journey.
    I give you koodos for taking this on by cleansing your body and doing it the natural way..
    You're a strong fighter chick and I love reading your blog,, you make my heart strong. (plus i love the profanity!!)
    I'll sign off on your blog the same way I sign Tinas',,
    DCD !!! (die cancer die) or should I say DFCD? HAHA

  2. I loved this post, because I can relate*! I loved the mental pic of standing out in the parking lot of a biker bar with loud motors roaring while you held hands and said a prayer. It's true,God loves us and can be reached anywhere at anytime*! Living with Ovarian cancer is a daily struggle. Some days I wake up feeling on top of the world, and in no time at all my emotions come crashing down and I find myself in tears. I always say it over and over, that it's OK to's Ok to fall long as we don't stay down too long. I love your spirit and your attitude*! Stand Strong*!!! ((((HUGS))))

  3. Really a beautiful post. Loved the realization of the laugh in the face of death and game face. I think we all have that, I mean, the ones of us that are lucky enough to have time to think about it before getting wiped out by a semi-truck on the interstate.

  4. Oh sweet Patty, I weep with you now...I am so proud to have you for my sister, you'll never know how much...We come from different lands you and I, but yet we are so much alike...You, who knows no one who wouldn't offer comforting care and me who knows no one who would...You are so very blessed to have your loving family and friends...Blessed but yet cursed with this FUCKING cancer...You don't deserve it...I love you...

  5. Patty,

    I understand what you're saying. Sometimes we're positive and feel like we can do anything and then other times, we're weepy. It's all part of the journey. And it IS amazing to realize how many wonderful, supportive, loving people who are willing to take the ride with us.

    I'm proud to be part of your support posse in any way I can.

  6. First, let me say, I did NOT think filthy thoughts about the quickie until YOU made me hahaha!

    I never used to have family like you speak of but I do now and boy can I ever relate to the weepy stuff now. Lately, I just feel over flowing with love all around me and I get all leaky over the whole thing. Tis good. Tis good.

    I am so happy you're finding all the resources to do this on your own! All those things are great and your juicer should arrive this week!!! WOOT!

    p.s. I make the best baba ganoush ever! Holler if you wanna try it :)

  7. Thank you all!

    Diane, very nice to meet you. So happy for Tina that she has a friend like you!

    Ashley, Janell and Tina, you are my soul sisters. We'll keep hoppin', skippin', and a-jumpin' down this yellow brick road til we meet the wizard.

    Vicki, my darling sister- it is tragic that we didn't grow up together, but we have each other now and will never let go. I love you so much!

    Shanny Baby! You may just BE the wizard. hahahahaha

    I haven't cried in 3 days.

    I love you all.

  8. Hey Pateeta
    I could really understand your feelings. i'd almost forgot what it was like.. I wish you well and try to stay have lots of friends who care xxx

  9. I hope that by this week you are finding some rays of sunshine. I have not done any wills or "dyeing" responsibilities...and I need to get it done. Thank you for having your blog to share with us your life, a true blend of beauty, ups, downs, and truth. God Bless. Denise


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