Passing Me By

Hello, my friends! I've been down and out for awhile so I am not caught up on everyone yet, but I hope you all had a safe, healthy and happy holiday.

Christmas passed me by this year, as I argued yet again with hospital dietary that I am a VEGAN, and to stop sending me chicken dinners and milk. I finally had to surrender. The first solid food I had was strained cream of chicken soup on Sunday night. Hey, it was Christmas. And it was delicious.  I came home from the hospital on Monday, still blurry but feeling better. I actually felt great on Tuesday and Wednesday- (hurry! look! it's Normal Girl!) God, what a feeling that was. My mom and I ate like kings as a celebration. (bad move)

I hardly know where I've been since Thursday morning. My bowels locked up on me again, I couldn't force down more than a few sips of water at a time, and I've been sleeping so much. To top it off, I ran out of morphine. I had (fuzzily) thought earlier in the week that I'd probably be having appointments this week and could get my refills then, but somehow I fell down the rabbit hole again and it got overlooked. I tried calling  5 different doctors on Friday but everyone was already gone for the holiday weekend. Hey! What about me?

I finally got a lucid moment. I'm trying to hunker down for these next couple days and double up on the dilaudid. I'm taking my laxatives and softeners and milk of magnesia and enemas and trying to sip on the miserable crap that passes for nutritional supplements. As you can see, I am desperately trying to avoid going to the hospital again. My kid gets back home tomorrow and starts school on Monday. 

I got preliminary stats on my PET scan- there is new stuff showing up in the abdominal/navel area. I swear, I felt those growing. One of my oncologists said if we can't get my bowels in order then I can't do the clinical trial, and/or I may have to have bowel surgery first or instead. Last week I transitioned from the coumadin (pill) to the lovenox injections for my blood thinner. I am not thrilled about this at all but I'm supposed to be off coumadin for 12 days before I can start the clinical trial. This Monday will be the 13th day, so I'm ready. I really gotta get my shit together. Too much is passing me by.

Leo is a douche

Is it Friday already? Time sure flies when you're gorked out in the hospital for a few days. I've been trying to piece together what happened after I got to the hospital Saturday night, but I got a lot of pain meds soon after I got there until I left on Tuesday, so it's pretty blurry.

I had a pulmonary embolism, or (multiple) blood clots in both lungs. Hurt like a BITCH. I vaguely remember my dude getting there Saturday night, and my mom and my sister coming early Sunday morning. I don't remember calling my mom. (or anyone else, so if I emailed, called or tried to text you during that time, sorry! I can only type/text/speak in GORK-mode while on morphine. Actually, while we're on that subject- pretty much anything I write, post or say or do after my Ambien kicks in at night is gonna be strange.)

My daughter and her friend made it down and watched over me until Monday. And started a ruckus with the nurses because they couldn't give her information she wanted. "Leo is a douche" was her text message to me after she left. {Please don't annoy the people who are sticking needles in Mommy, darling. They know what they're doing, and when there's more information to give, you will get it. We're not holding out on you, or protecting you from the truth. We just don't know right now. }

My dude was in and out. So was I. ha. He brought me chocolate cheesecake. Better than morphine or dilaudid, that's for sure. Apparently, I had consults with nutritionists, the oncologist, the pain management dude, etc. I have paperwork that says I did, anyway. I remember the walls bulging, and talking to myself.

I got discharged on Tuesday. Taken off Heparin drip, started on oral Coumadin and Lovenox. Had to pick up my boy from the airport that night- he'd been in Chicago with Daddy Dearest for the past 2 weeks for spring break. I saw a unicorn on the way to the airport. No shit, I did. He was white and sparkly.

Wednesday- took the kid to school. Went back to the ER for repeat episode of lung/rib/chest pain. Workup was negative for new emboli. How come it hurts so much? More pain meds.

Thursday- had follow up at PCP office. Had to see the PA, but she knows her shit. They will be monitoring my Coumadin levels and my INR. Seems to be a problem taking coumadin and diflucan together- They will talk to pulmonologist, oncologist, cardiologist. I'll see the PCP on Monday to figure out what's next. Apparently, Avastin, which has so many good things happening with it, carries a higher risk of thromboembolism (blood clots). But so does cancer, hormone therapy, smoking, and a bunch of other stuff.

In the meantime, my chemo is on hold AGAIN. That may be a good thing, cuz I'll tell ya- that shit's killin' me.