Passing Me By

Hello, my friends! I've been down and out for awhile so I am not caught up on everyone yet, but I hope you all had a safe, healthy and happy holiday.

Christmas passed me by this year, as I argued yet again with hospital dietary that I am a VEGAN, and to stop sending me chicken dinners and milk. I finally had to surrender. The first solid food I had was strained cream of chicken soup on Sunday night. Hey, it was Christmas. And it was delicious.  I came home from the hospital on Monday, still blurry but feeling better. I actually felt great on Tuesday and Wednesday- (hurry! look! it's Normal Girl!) God, what a feeling that was. My mom and I ate like kings as a celebration. (bad move)

I hardly know where I've been since Thursday morning. My bowels locked up on me again, I couldn't force down more than a few sips of water at a time, and I've been sleeping so much. To top it off, I ran out of morphine. I had (fuzzily) thought earlier in the week that I'd probably be having appointments this week and could get my refills then, but somehow I fell down the rabbit hole again and it got overlooked. I tried calling  5 different doctors on Friday but everyone was already gone for the holiday weekend. Hey! What about me?

I finally got a lucid moment. I'm trying to hunker down for these next couple days and double up on the dilaudid. I'm taking my laxatives and softeners and milk of magnesia and enemas and trying to sip on the miserable crap that passes for nutritional supplements. As you can see, I am desperately trying to avoid going to the hospital again. My kid gets back home tomorrow and starts school on Monday. 

I got preliminary stats on my PET scan- there is new stuff showing up in the abdominal/navel area. I swear, I felt those growing. One of my oncologists said if we can't get my bowels in order then I can't do the clinical trial, and/or I may have to have bowel surgery first or instead. Last week I transitioned from the coumadin (pill) to the lovenox injections for my blood thinner. I am not thrilled about this at all but I'm supposed to be off coumadin for 12 days before I can start the clinical trial. This Monday will be the 13th day, so I'm ready. I really gotta get my shit together. Too much is passing me by.