This is my own story of life with advanced ovarian cancer. I do not offer medical advice, and my treatment decisions are my own. Please talk to your physician or healer and gain as much information as you can about this dreadful disease called cancer. Remember, knowledge is Power!

Friday, January 7

Like A Lead Balloon

That's what my stomach feels like. I had my upper GI series yesterday where I glugged down at least a litre of barium. I don't know how I did it, only being able to take small sips of anything, but I was determined to NOT get the NG tube down my nose. It took over 4 hours for this test. I'm sure it would've been quicker, but when your bowels aren't working properly then they can't push the barium through. About 3 hours into the test they told me to lie on my stomach to get another view. It had been over 4 hours since my last pain and nausea meds so I was hurting pretty badly by then, but you'd have thought they were murdering me in there by the tortured screams that came from within. The radiologist called for a nurse to dose me with more pain meds so we could finish the test, and my momma came down from my room where she'd been waiting for hours. They let her come in and hold my hand and calm me down. Thank God for my momma.

It's been about 18 hours since I drank the barium and it's still not moving anywhere. Last night I vomited, but only bile. I still can't have a bowel movement. This morning I got a new wristband with my blood type and other cryptic information. Surgery today is a definite possibility. I spoke with the GI guy, the surgeons, the gyn/onc and the chaplain. If they decide to go in to check out/resolve the bowel issue, it's very possible I'll leave here with a shiny new colostomy bag, and maybe a PEG tube for feeding.

It distresses me how fast this is happening. I mean one minute I feel fine, and the next minute I'm in the fucking hospital AGAIN for something else. My kid came home on Sunday night and I've barely been able to see him since then, except here at the hospital when my mom brings him up after school or after dinner. I know all this is freaking him out. My daughter lives 3 hours away without a dependable car so she's not able to be here right now. 

As far as surgery goes, I'm all for it if it will resolve these bowel issues, but that's it. I know it will not help my cancer. Hopefully, I will be considered a good surgical candidate for open abdominal surgery again. I always had a quick recovery before, without post-op complications. But things are different now. I'm on blood thinners, my cancer has spread, and I am just not the Amazon Girl I used to be.

One of the surgical residents just came in to talk to me. He told me they'd be sending down a team to start marking me for possible PEG tube and/or shit bag colostomy placement. Looks like I may be having surgery today, after all. Pray for me, please.


  1. Of course I'm praying for you, Patty. Hang in there.

    Lots of love,

  2. I am praying my head off for you, Pateeta.


  3. Thanks Tina. Sending them back your way, too.
    Kimmy! you take it easy with your poor migrained head!

    Love you.

  4. I'm not going to pray my head off. Because then my thoughts would be out there floating around in my head and lord knows what kind of praying I could do then.
    How apropo, a colostomy bag is to symbolize the SHIT you have to go thru.
    Will keep you in my thoughts most definitely.

  5. Awwww my Patty girl, it tears me up that I can't be there with you...You sooooo don't deserve this fucking bullshit! Like you said, thank God for your mama...I'm so glad she is there with you...I love you baby girl!!!

  6. I'm definitely praying for you. You are in the ringer here, but maybe this will help you feel better. I'm with you in spirit. God Bless......hugs from Denise

  7. Hoping things have gone well...fingers crossed.

  8. Praying for you.
    And damn this disease.

  9. Many many prayers are being sent to you from our sisters. Hang in there. Hugs and prayers.


  10. Hoping for happy shitting. Luv ya

  11. Just heard this news this morning. I'm hoping things along now (sorry) and that your setback is fixed. It's just crazy the indignities we're forced to deal with, and you do it with such humor and moxie. I'm thinking of you.


  12. It sucks that you're feeling so crappy. Or maybe that should be not crappy enough. Yeah, poor attempt at humor. I'm sending you warm fuzzy bunny thoughts and I hope that you feel better and get the hell out of that place soon.


  13. Pateeta, my prayers and good wishes are going out for you today. Wish I could be there to give you a big ole hug.

    Peachy aka GA Peach


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