This, That, and The Other Thing

Man, I really should blog more. So much happens in just a few days that even I can't keep up with it all. First of all, let me say this: I HAVE BEEN A VEGAN FOR 40 DAYS! WOOT!

whoa. I think I need to go lie down for awhile. I just freaked myself out.

I decided not to participate in the clinical trial for XL184. Pill or not, it's still chemotherapy with all the nasty side effects and debilitating, life threatening complications. I am all for advancing modern medicine and helping future generations of cancer victims, but I am not going to sacrifice myself for it. Thanks, but no thanks. I'm staying on the path I've chosen and am not going to stray off of it. Bad things happen when you leave the path.

I had a great support group meeting at The Wellness Community the other night. It's really amazing the amount of information we share. A few of them already integrate naturopathic/homeopathic medicine into their lives and treatment regimens. They have great things to say about all of it. They gave me a couple names- one was the naturopath/oncologist that I'd gotten a week ago from the doc at Pinnacle, and one from the Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine Medical Center.The second guy is a long time cancer survivor- he had stage 4 colon cancer and lived to tell about it. He had done conventional treatments with surgery, chemo and radiation and didn't have much luck with those. I figured that he'd be the perfect one to see, since he knows, on a very personal level.

I spent some of my sleepless night going through my giant stack of medical records to put together a packet for my appointment today. Good thing, because I was rushed this morning- I'd had an intimate love affair with the snooze button on my alarm clock. When I got there I had to fill out a thousand page questionnaire  (I kid) regarding everything from the kind of lotions I use to whether I'd eaten school paste or lead paint chips as a child. A homeopath needs to know these things! Right on time the doc himself came out to get me. I don't know what happened to me, but as soon as I sat down across the desk from him and he smiled at me so gently and asked me why I had come- I burst into tears! UN-BE-LIEVABLE! What a waste of a fabulous makeup job. After my waterworks subsided, he spent the next 3 hours with me going over every single thing on my intake form and digging deeper on several issues such as how I deal with anger, my triggers, stressors, habits, fears, and got very specific on pain details.   

He said he could help me, and that what I'd already started was a wonderful first step on a long road to health and well being, which is made up of a low-fat VEGAN diet, exercise, meditation and supplements. How simple is that? I don't know diddly about supplements, but I'm about to learn a whole lot. Why is it that some have trouble grasping or ignoring these simplest of concepts? Large parts of the world have known these things for thousands of years but modern medicine is the last to embrace it. "Let's hack it-burn it-poison it" instead of  "let's fix it".

He started me on a homeopathic plan and gave me some things to read: The Spectrum by Dean Ornish, M.D., Beyond Flat Earth by Timothy R. Dooley, N.D., M.D., and The China Study by T. Collin Campbell. I am to start a supplement called Nux Vomica, an Eastern remedy which won't cure my cancer but will treat other issues I'm dealing with. We talked about Naltrexone.  It sounds promising. I have a lot more research ahead of me if I can just get some sleeeeeeeep.......

Wake me when it's over, please

After running around with my mom all day, this evening I went to TWC for a seminar called Sleep and Dream Health in Cancer Care. I am desperate to sleep so I thought I might learn something about insomnia, sleepwalking, sleepEATING (apparently), nightmares, and all those other sleep disorders I suffer from. I've been waiting all week for this class.

I get there. There are a lot of people there. I sign in. I sit down. The dude starts talking and showing slides. I don't know if it was the old back-in-school atmosphere- with the low lights and the clicking of the slides, but about 10 minutes into it my eyes were crossing and my chin kept slamming down onto my chest. I think I even snored. 

I thought "ohhhh shit. I have to go before I fall on the floor". I gathered my things,and headed out the door. The lecturer calls me out and says "Am I boring you?" I said "No! I've been waiting for this all week! I just can't stay awake long enough to hear it, but if you've got a couch nearby where I can sack out, I'll gladly stay". Some trooper I am, huh?

I came home and made some soothing chamomile and lavender tea. Now here I am on the fucking computer because I'm wide awake. I can't win.

A Call To My Peeps:

I need a boost, my friends. My oncology appointment is tomorrow to discuss PET scan results. I haven't slept in 3 days. My sister is back in the hospital undergoing tests for bowel issues- she had a colon resection 6 months ago. Now I have some weird bowel issues going on. Sympathetic symptoms, maybe? A bug? Bad oysters after my PET scan on Friday? I know, what was I thinking? (actually, I was thinking I should load up on all that raw-fishy-sushi stuff now in case I had to start chemo again and wasn't allowed to have it. My mind works in strange ways). I am STRESSED OUT. In pain. Scared. AGAIN! How many times do I have to go through this? 


So- if it wouldn't be too much, would y'all mind sending good thoughts my way? Send it in whatever way blows your skirt up- pray, rattle 'dem bones, knock on wood, rub your lucky rock, telepathy- I ain't picky. I'll take them all. Some for my sister wouldn't be bad, either. Thank you.


Lord, give me strength. Amen.



 

Crab Ass Wendy Whiner

I have just had my next-to-last chemo. My CA-125 is back up to 20 from 12. I try not to get hung up on the numbers- it's still totally within the "normal" range (less than 35) but I'm not liking the spike. I have so much going on with side effects- all separate things that, by themselves, are irksome, distressing, painful or intolerable- all together are really fucking me up.

These days, everything I do (or want to do) requires deep consideration. With all the meds I'm taking, I have to be very careful. Should I take Xanax for anxiety, or narcotics for pain? Can't take 'em both, or even close to when I go to bed. Ambien or Seroquel to sleep? Ambien doesn't work for long and Seroquel is supposed to help with "sleep anxiety" and hot flashes. It's not helping. My Prozac was upped to 60mg a day to help with the hot flashes. That's a lot of Prozac. And it's not helping.

Chemo plays HELL with your GI tract, starting with your mouth. Bleeding gums, mouth sores- fuck that. Got some new mouthwash- it's called Magic Mouthwash, and the pharmacy actually had to compound it for me. It's got a LOT of Lidocaine in it, some antibiotic, antacid and something else. I have to make sure I've eaten first because I'm a total mush mouth after using it.

When it comes to eating, I have to consider what will taste the best when throw it up. Or if it's even gonna pass through. Gross, right? All my cancer/chemo buds know exactly what I'm talkin' about. Laxatives? Sure. Bring 'em on. They're not working. When I need to take a Vicodin after using the bathroom: I AM NOT HAPPY CRAPPER.

I even got some anti-nausea patches called Sancuso. Good shit, Maynard. Especially when they STICK like they're supposed to. They last for 5 days, and in combination with Zofran, Compazine and some steroids, they work great. But I've had 2 patches fall off after 1 day (yes, I put them on right- I'm not a total dipshit).

The sinus thing is driving me crazy. It's been dripping for a year since I started chemo- apparently because my nose hairs are gone, and bleeding and scabbing for about 6 months. It's not going away and feels like it's going deeper.

Thanks for lettin' me share my list of woes. Doesn't make it any better, but maybe y'all know something I don't about fixing them (besides stopping chemo and all meds). I see a lot of doctors now, but see an ENT and a GI doc in my future. Fuck.

Herbals, anyone?