This is my own story of life with advanced ovarian cancer. I do not offer medical advice, and my treatment decisions are my own. Please talk to your physician or healer and gain as much information as you can about this dreadful disease called cancer. Remember, knowledge is Power!

Saturday, August 14


My 4 year old grandbaby, The Divine Miss Em, a.k.a. Emilita, Emmy G. (her rap name) or Pook. What a sweet respite in this mad month of packing, moving, and breaking up. She is one beautiful bundle of happiness. Thank you, God.

Wednesday, August 4

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

My extended vacation seems like I dreamed it. If I didn't have pictures and souvenirs I'd really have to wonder, because my memory is shot. I know I had fun, though!

You can escape life once in awhile, but it always catches up with you. I spent 19 days gleefully running in the cornfields of the Midwest getting my Zen on, and just absorbing friends and life and summer and freedom. Then I come home and all the world's problems (mine) are still there. I wasn't back 3 days before I was having chest pain again, anxiety attacks, and a lot of anger and stress. It's not easy living with an alcoholic and a 14 year old boy. Sage advice was to remove the stressors from my life. Can't get rid of the kid, but the man is definitely out. We have some irreconcilable differences and, based on our history, I don't trust him to take care of me if I get sick again. And he loves Bacardi much more than me.

I've had to make a lot of hard decisions. I'm unemployed and on disability now, so my finances aren't great. If I get sick again, I need to be somewhere I KNOW I'll be taken care of, and where my kid will be safe and looked after. I decided to move back to my mom's house in Phoenix. She's got room for us (and my dog), and it'll be a good thing. An adjustment, of course, but we'll make it work. My kid hates me, of course. He just started high school last week and doesn't want to be away from his friends. I totally understand that, and plan on keeping him at the school he's at, for this year, at least. He knows there are a few circumstances where I'd have to transfer him to a school closer to Mom's house.

It's gonna be a busy month; packing, sorting, weeding, downsizing, finding storage, cleaning, and moving. My heart aches for letting my dude go, but I know it's for the best. My path has just taken a sharp turn from his.

As far as my cancer goes, I'm in a holding pattern. Nothing zappable showed up on the scans last month so we wait. I had my barium swallow test to check out my throat. I am happy to say that there were no tumors, but I do have esophageal spasms and reflux now, apparently caused by chemo. Thanks a lot, chemo! You're the gift that just keeps on giving! Like herpes!

I still have chemo brain, chronic tinnitus, a sharp, stabbing pain close to my incision site (nerve damage, I'm almost positive), insomnia, and the attention span of a Labrador. But I'm alive, my eyebrows are almost back, and I have a great tan. (ha) I'm just trying to deal. One day at a time.