Crab Ass Wendy Whiner

I have just had my next-to-last chemo. My CA-125 is back up to 20 from 12. I try not to get hung up on the numbers- it's still totally within the "normal" range (less than 35) but I'm not liking the spike. I have so much going on with side effects- all separate things that, by themselves, are irksome, distressing, painful or intolerable- all together are really fucking me up.

These days, everything I do (or want to do) requires deep consideration. With all the meds I'm taking, I have to be very careful. Should I take Xanax for anxiety, or narcotics for pain? Can't take 'em both, or even close to when I go to bed. Ambien or Seroquel to sleep? Ambien doesn't work for long and Seroquel is supposed to help with "sleep anxiety" and hot flashes. It's not helping. My Prozac was upped to 60mg a day to help with the hot flashes. That's a lot of Prozac. And it's not helping.

Chemo plays HELL with your GI tract, starting with your mouth. Bleeding gums, mouth sores- fuck that. Got some new mouthwash- it's called Magic Mouthwash, and the pharmacy actually had to compound it for me. It's got a LOT of Lidocaine in it, some antibiotic, antacid and something else. I have to make sure I've eaten first because I'm a total mush mouth after using it.

When it comes to eating, I have to consider what will taste the best when throw it up. Or if it's even gonna pass through. Gross, right? All my cancer/chemo buds know exactly what I'm talkin' about. Laxatives? Sure. Bring 'em on. They're not working. When I need to take a Vicodin after using the bathroom: I AM NOT HAPPY CRAPPER.

I even got some anti-nausea patches called Sancuso. Good shit, Maynard. Especially when they STICK like they're supposed to. They last for 5 days, and in combination with Zofran, Compazine and some steroids, they work great. But I've had 2 patches fall off after 1 day (yes, I put them on right- I'm not a total dipshit).

The sinus thing is driving me crazy. It's been dripping for a year since I started chemo- apparently because my nose hairs are gone, and bleeding and scabbing for about 6 months. It's not going away and feels like it's going deeper.

Thanks for lettin' me share my list of woes. Doesn't make it any better, but maybe y'all know something I don't about fixing them (besides stopping chemo and all meds). I see a lot of doctors now, but see an ENT and a GI doc in my future. Fuck.

Herbals, anyone?

Back in the Bubble

The Bubble is where I live after chemo. It's all in my head; the dizziness, the nausea, the feeling of being pumped too full of liquid, or like an overfilled helium balloon with the top of my head trying to float off. It's like riding the merry-go-round for too long. I need to remember to tie my head down.

Tomorrow will be infusion 3C at Club Chemo and I will be halfway done with treatment (again). I saw my PCP last week about the ringing in my ears, nosebleeds, insomnia, and the fact that I'm losing my mind. He told me I'm pretty much SOL about the tinnitus (ringing), there isn't really anything that can be done. I figured they could just bong me with a tuning fork and re-set something. Guess not. (I'm sure a bong wouldn't hurt, though)

The nosebleeds could be from the dry air, or maybe because my nose constantly runs while I'm on chemo and I've just worn a hole in my septum with all the wiping and blowing. Either way, it hurts like hell and will bleed at the most random times; at the grocery store, while driving, or walking the dog. Hopefully, it won't get any worse or we'll be talking about cautery. Inside my sinuses.. Lord help me.

As far as insomnia and extreme anxiety go, I'm trying out some new meds. We'll see how that goes.