Better Days

Well, thank God last week is over! Whew! Didn't know if I was gonna make it through all that, but with the love and support of God, my family and friends, I persevere.

I'm spending a lot of time researching alternative medicine, nutrition, veganism, juicing, detoxing, etc. and also spending a lot of time at the store combing the aisles for organic items, pondering the flavors and uses of strange produce, looking at supplements, and examining the labels of just about everything in the store. I've come to the conclusion that people will buy ANYTHING if it's packaged prettily, has ponies or Hannah Montana on it, or is covered in cheese or chocolate. Me included. Jeez. This is what I was buying for my grandbaby when she'd come down to visit: She loves these!

Really. What the fuck IS all that stuff?  Or foods labeled "All Natural!", "100% Juice", "No Trans-fats" - well, while those items may actually have those qualities, they are usually loaded with tons of other shit I don't need. "Enriched", "Fortified", "Emulsified", "Pasteurized, processed cheese food". HUH?

I've been "eating the rainbow" for the past 3 weeks. Hopefully, this will also fix my cholesterol levels, which , right before I started, were a whopping 347 for total cholesterol,  Triglycerides at 507 (should be under 150), and HDL (the good kind) at 43. It should be over 45. I know, right? "Pasteurized, processed cheese food", my ASS! Here's what my sideboard looks like daily now:

Every single thing that goes into my mouth now has some sort of cancer-fighting properties. Super-Foods, indeed! I found a really cool vegan restaurant/ tea and herb shop called Chakra 4 Herb & Tea House in Phoenix- not far from where I live. The food was fun, colorful and tasty. The tea shop has hundreds of teas, spices and herbs and bona-fide herbalists to mix it up for you. I'm exploring Essiac Tea, along with other interesting concoctions.

I got my juicer! My friend Shannon Rose  put out the call and people responded. By the generous donations of our friends, she was able to send me the mother of all juicers; The Kempo Green Power Juicer. Many thanks to my benefactors! I love you guys. The Boyo and I have been having fun with it.

Smarty Pants

That's right. We bad. Uh huh.

Kale, carrot, tomato, apple juice.

I know- gonna take some getting used to!

And I actually got my mom to try some today.

 She didn't die. Yay, Mom!

It's Been A Weepy Week

I've spent a lot of time at TWC lately. Last Monday I went to the Mind/Body thing, where we learned more about positive thinking, self-hypnosis, meditation, things like that. It was very informative. 

Tuesday, my son and I went to the Kid2Kid/Family2Family thing that we'd been to a couple weeks earlier. We shared a nice dinner with another family, then split into our separate groups. The kids got to do sand trays, which is a very therapeutic, interesting and effective way for them to express themselves. 

On Wednesday, I went to the Relaxation/Visualization class, which was incredible! Low lights, soft chiming music, the voice of the therapist softly leading us to happier places- wow. I'm definitely doing that again! Then straight from there to my weekly support group in the other building. 

Thursday, I went to the Cooking For Life class. The main theme was eggplant. Now, I'm not a big eggplant fan- I've had it a few times and just wasn't impressed. But the dude that ran the class showed us 3 different ways to use an eggplant. He is really big on Moroccan cooking, so he made a tagine, some baba ganoush, and some eggplant "burgers". I must say- I left that class stuffed to the gills! Then it was off to the other building for the Five Wishes class that explained Living Wills and advanced directives. I can't even tell you how weepy I got that night reading through that. And for a few days afterward, too. (they did warn us that it might bring out some "strong emotions". They weren't kidding.) 

You know, I really thought I had it all together, but apparently I don't. My game-face fell off, and my Laugh-In-The-Face-Of-Death attitude took a hike. It wasn't even about the preparing-to-die thing, really (which I'm not). What got me, was what I thought people would/should do naturally for someone in their final days- it never occurred to me that some people would actually need it spelled out for them- things like playing music, or holding your hand, or praying, or BASIC COMFORT care, like a cool cloth on your head, or keeping you clean. I don't even know the kind of people that wouldn't do that for someone, and it broke my heart to think that others don't get that kind of  loving treatment.

Anyway- I was making notes in the margins on my Five Wishes list, and wrote down the names of a few people that I would like praying with me. I have a couple friends outside of the church that I really connect with on that level. I went out on Friday night to see my friend's band play at this biker bar and lo and behold, there was one of the guys on my list! I hadn't seen him in awhile, and he was there sitting in with the band. We were talking outside during the break and he said "you got time for a quickie before I go back in and play"? (He meant a PRAYER, you pervs- you know who you are!) So there we were, standing out in the parking lot of the biker bar praying quietly while the thunder of motorcycles filled our ears. It was a beautiful thing. Thank you, Kenny Goodman! (his bio says "God and Guitar") Yes, indeed. I cried all the way home.

Yesterday I took a ride out to Surprise to see a pastor friend of mine at his church. It's pretty far away so I hadn't seen him since he baptized me last year. He is one of the other names on my list of people I want praying with me/for me. Don't get me wrong, I welcome prayers from EVERYONE, but these guys are special. We caught up a little before the service, and when he heard my news he immediately rounded up the elders from the church. They surrounded me in a protective cocoon and sent up some heavy duty prayers, for me, and gave me their blessings. He also talked about me during the service, so I had a whole lotta people coming up to me afterward sharing love and support. It was incredible! After church I met up with one of my very best friends from waayyy back that I haven't seen in a long time. We had a wonderful time together- it was like we'd not spent the last 5 years apart. And I cried all the way home. 

It's been a weepy few days for me. I think I've cried more this past week than the whole 18 months since I was diagnosed. I don't think I was crying for myself; I think it was more because people believe in me and show me so much love- it overwhelms me at times. I pray that you all have friends  and family like mine. I love you all.

A Call To My Peeps:

I need a boost, my friends. My oncology appointment is tomorrow to discuss PET scan results. I haven't slept in 3 days. My sister is back in the hospital undergoing tests for bowel issues- she had a colon resection 6 months ago. Now I have some weird bowel issues going on. Sympathetic symptoms, maybe? A bug? Bad oysters after my PET scan on Friday? I know, what was I thinking? (actually, I was thinking I should load up on all that raw-fishy-sushi stuff now in case I had to start chemo again and wasn't allowed to have it. My mind works in strange ways). I am STRESSED OUT. In pain. Scared. AGAIN! How many times do I have to go through this? 


So- if it wouldn't be too much, would y'all mind sending good thoughts my way? Send it in whatever way blows your skirt up- pray, rattle 'dem bones, knock on wood, rub your lucky rock, telepathy- I ain't picky. I'll take them all. Some for my sister wouldn't be bad, either. Thank you.


Lord, give me strength. Amen.



 

Tomorrow's my birthday

Last year on my 48th birthday I met my oncologist for the first time. The day after that, he was removing parts from my body. The day after that, he told me I had advanced metastatic serous papillary carcinoma, or Stage III-C, Grade 3 Ovarian Cancer that had spread to my omentum, spleen, and some lymph nodes. I had not had any symptoms before this.

This past year has been full of shocks, decisions, uncertainty, debilitating pain, fear, needles, needles, needles, chemo, side effects, facing mortality, recurrence, more chemo. But it's also been full of deep reflection, spiritual growth, and unwavering love and support from those who know me, and also from some who didn't know me at all. I've met so many good, kind, caring, generous and loving people during this adventure.

I've already been through the worst. Turning 49 should be a breeze.

Grateful

So grateful to my family, my friends, my dude, my kids, my dog, my docs, my employers, coworkers, church people, Singleton Moms, the Black Sheep Motorcycle Ministry, Happily Ever After League, Sisters In Survival, The Wellness Community and everyone else who took the time to hold me up, lend a hand, help me out, pray for me, and love me. I wouldn't be here without you. I am blessed.