All Out Mutiny

Someone, please make it stop. I was admitted to the hospital again yesterday with unresolved abdominal pain, nausea and vomiting. I'm waiting on consults from a G.I., another GYN/onc, and a surgeon. My CT scan yesterday revealed that I now have a few small bona-fide obstructions, in different places. I can actually point to the exact places on my belly where the problems are.
My clinical trial is now on hold, until and unless I can get these mutinous bowels moving.

AARRGG! Fuck off, you scabrous dogs! Belay that guff and GIMME BACK MY BELLY!

Passing Me By

Hello, my friends! I've been down and out for awhile so I am not caught up on everyone yet, but I hope you all had a safe, healthy and happy holiday.

Christmas passed me by this year, as I argued yet again with hospital dietary that I am a VEGAN, and to stop sending me chicken dinners and milk. I finally had to surrender. The first solid food I had was strained cream of chicken soup on Sunday night. Hey, it was Christmas. And it was delicious.  I came home from the hospital on Monday, still blurry but feeling better. I actually felt great on Tuesday and Wednesday- (hurry! look! it's Normal Girl!) God, what a feeling that was. My mom and I ate like kings as a celebration. (bad move)

I hardly know where I've been since Thursday morning. My bowels locked up on me again, I couldn't force down more than a few sips of water at a time, and I've been sleeping so much. To top it off, I ran out of morphine. I had (fuzzily) thought earlier in the week that I'd probably be having appointments this week and could get my refills then, but somehow I fell down the rabbit hole again and it got overlooked. I tried calling  5 different doctors on Friday but everyone was already gone for the holiday weekend. Hey! What about me?

I finally got a lucid moment. I'm trying to hunker down for these next couple days and double up on the dilaudid. I'm taking my laxatives and softeners and milk of magnesia and enemas and trying to sip on the miserable crap that passes for nutritional supplements. As you can see, I am desperately trying to avoid going to the hospital again. My kid gets back home tomorrow and starts school on Monday. 

I got preliminary stats on my PET scan- there is new stuff showing up in the abdominal/navel area. I swear, I felt those growing. One of my oncologists said if we can't get my bowels in order then I can't do the clinical trial, and/or I may have to have bowel surgery first or instead. Last week I transitioned from the coumadin (pill) to the lovenox injections for my blood thinner. I am not thrilled about this at all but I'm supposed to be off coumadin for 12 days before I can start the clinical trial. This Monday will be the 13th day, so I'm ready. I really gotta get my shit together. Too much is passing me by.

What a week

Wow. I can't believe it's been a week since my last post! I'm having a hard time staying awake for any length of time, being on morphine and muscle relaxers all the time- even though I still don't sleep at night. I escaped from the hospital on Wednesday after almost having a throw-down with the hospitalist and the nurse manager for the floor. That doctor pissed me off.  When he wasn't being condescending to me he was raising his voice to talk over me. You wanna see me go ballistic? Treat me like I'm an asshole who doesn't know what I'm talking about and see what happens.

That "doctor" is apparently new to the hospital group. My nurse told me that the doc hadn't even gotten a report on me before he busted into my room and told me he was sending me home right after my ureterocsopy. Um, excuse me but I just got a whopping shot of morphine 2 minutes ago, so of course my pain is minimal. The urologist has other plans for me. He also couldn't or wouldn't give me an answer on why my pelvic CT scan didn't show the gigantic tumor. He scoffed at the picture I showed him of my tumor on my previous PET scan. "When was that scan done- a year ago?" he sneered at me.  I said "NO, motherfucker- it was a MONTH ago. What is your problem? Why can't you give me a straight answer? And why has it taken 3 fucking days to get the radiologist to look at it?" By this time, my son was sitting very close to me and kind of rubbing my shoulders (actually to grab me when I went to lunge for the stupid shit doctor), and several nurses were seen huddling in the door. I guess they're not used to patients ripping into the doctor like that.  This is where the nurse manager got involved to diffuse the situation.

Anyway, suffice it to say that I survived this episode, and so did the doc. I have a follow up with the urologist tomorrow to take the stents out of my ureters. Then I see the oncologist on Wednesday to discuss my "absent" tumor, get some blood work done and maybe another scan. I also want this port out of my chest. I now have 5 new meds: morphine, muscle relaxers, ditropan-which stops my bladder from spasming, senna to keep the mail moving (which it hasn't in a week, God help me) and Flomax- which they give to old guys for prostate problems. It also relaxes my ureters or something like that, so if any more stones wanna make a break for it, hopefully they will just fall out. Ya think?

Thanksgiving was wonderful. We actually had 2, since my new sis-in-law had to work on Thursday. There was a delicious dinner here at mom's house, then a big bash at my brother's place with SIL's family included.

 My "babies"

THE baby

On a sad note- one of my support group buddies passed away last week. She wasn't very far into treatment and had only recently had surgery, but went downhill quickly from there. Complications took the life of a very beautiful, very young, and very much loved daughter and friend.  We attended a memorial service for her on Saturday. 

R.I.P. Amy. You were loved.

What the hell?

Who would believe that something the size of a raisin could fell an Amazon Girl like me?

I woke up in excruciating pain at about 2am this morning. It felt like a very large hand got ahold of my kidney and was squeezing it like a sponge. I waited a bit to see if it would go away, but 5 minutes later I was waking my mom up to take me to the hospital.

Once at the hospital it was determined that I had a rogue kidney stone trying to make it's escape. Remember how at the very beginning of my cancer journey it all started with kidney stones? The very ones that nobody ever mentioned again after discovering the pelvic masses during the CT scan. Well, hallelujah, my kidney stones are finally on the front page again.

I'm still at the hospital. I've spent all day trying to pass the fucker. I'm sloshing with morphine, toradol, flomax, IV fluids and water, and I'm gonna get some flexeril soon for my aching shoulder muscles (from being hunched in pain for hours). The urologist said if I don't pass it by morning they will perform a ureteroscopy where they stick a scope up where one ain't never been stuck before that goes all the way up the ureters, where they will blast the little bastard with a laser. Who knew they did such things? Apparently I missed the lithotripsy wagon, which is only here every two weeks. Lithotripsy is where they use ultrasonic waves (on the OUTSIDE of your body) to pulverize kidney stones into dust, making it easy to pass them. Just my luck they were here YESTERDAY. Fuck. Are they like gypsies, I wonder? The lithotripsy team? Just passing through town putting that magic wand on sufferers of ureterolithiasis? Why wasn't I notified? 

Ah, Miguel is here again. Beloved, devoted Miguel, my nurse for the day. He is very generous with the pain meds, my Miguel. Will let y'all know how the stealth scope goes tomorrow.

Leo is a douche

Is it Friday already? Time sure flies when you're gorked out in the hospital for a few days. I've been trying to piece together what happened after I got to the hospital Saturday night, but I got a lot of pain meds soon after I got there until I left on Tuesday, so it's pretty blurry.

I had a pulmonary embolism, or (multiple) blood clots in both lungs. Hurt like a BITCH. I vaguely remember my dude getting there Saturday night, and my mom and my sister coming early Sunday morning. I don't remember calling my mom. (or anyone else, so if I emailed, called or tried to text you during that time, sorry! I can only type/text/speak in GORK-mode while on morphine. Actually, while we're on that subject- pretty much anything I write, post or say or do after my Ambien kicks in at night is gonna be strange.)

My daughter and her friend made it down and watched over me until Monday. And started a ruckus with the nurses because they couldn't give her information she wanted. "Leo is a douche" was her text message to me after she left. {Please don't annoy the people who are sticking needles in Mommy, darling. They know what they're doing, and when there's more information to give, you will get it. We're not holding out on you, or protecting you from the truth. We just don't know right now. }

My dude was in and out. So was I. ha. He brought me chocolate cheesecake. Better than morphine or dilaudid, that's for sure. Apparently, I had consults with nutritionists, the oncologist, the pain management dude, etc. I have paperwork that says I did, anyway. I remember the walls bulging, and talking to myself.

I got discharged on Tuesday. Taken off Heparin drip, started on oral Coumadin and Lovenox. Had to pick up my boy from the airport that night- he'd been in Chicago with Daddy Dearest for the past 2 weeks for spring break. I saw a unicorn on the way to the airport. No shit, I did. He was white and sparkly.

Wednesday- took the kid to school. Went back to the ER for repeat episode of lung/rib/chest pain. Workup was negative for new emboli. How come it hurts so much? More pain meds.

Thursday- had follow up at PCP office. Had to see the PA, but she knows her shit. They will be monitoring my Coumadin levels and my INR. Seems to be a problem taking coumadin and diflucan together- They will talk to pulmonologist, oncologist, cardiologist. I'll see the PCP on Monday to figure out what's next. Apparently, Avastin, which has so many good things happening with it, carries a higher risk of thromboembolism (blood clots). But so does cancer, hormone therapy, smoking, and a bunch of other stuff.

In the meantime, my chemo is on hold AGAIN. That may be a good thing, cuz I'll tell ya- that shit's killin' me.

Where do I even start?

I was actually feeling good enough to go out for a little while on Saturday night to see the band. I spent a lot of time on my 38 hairs and makeup, and drew on my best eyebrows EVER. Cute boots, jeans that fit, jewelry, perfume, the whole 9 yards. I don't get out much any more, and besides, it was my birthday. It was about 9:30 and I'm ready to go, just had to run the dog out first.

So I take the dog out. It's a nice night. The neighborhood is quiet. No cats to chase, so the walk is pretty uneventful. I come back home and hang up the leash, and I get this weird pain in my left ribs- like when you're running and get that stitch in your side? I thought "WTF?", and gave the dog his cookie (everything is cookies to him). Suddenly, I felt like someone had put the Vulcan Nerve Pinch on me. I gasped, and couldn't draw a deep breath.


Well, shit. Stabbing pain in my ribs. Vulcan Nerve Pinch on my neck. That could only mean one thing. Well, it could mean several, actually, but it really meant that I was all dressed up and had only the E.R. to go. Of course, I drove myself- the hospital is only 6 blocks away and by the time I called 911 and EMS got here I coulda died (I know, I've seen them try to get into my apartment complex at night when the gates are closed). Called my dude, told him I wasn't gonna make it to the show tonight, and said "but don't worry! I'm fine! It's probably a pulled muscle or something. Do your show, do your thing, then come up to the hospital, I'll still be there in a few hours. I'm fine! I'll call you if anything happens." I'm a frequent flyer at my local ER so I know how long it takes to do a cardiac workup and find out it's nothing (about 4 hours). Yeah, yeah. I know.

Workup shows I have PULMONARY EMBOLISM, or blood clots in my lungs. Can you believe this howdy doody? It feels like my ribs are broken! Needles, needles, needles, port access, heparin, dilaudid, morphine. Don't remember much after that. To be continued. . . .