This, That, and The Other Thing

Man, I really should blog more. So much happens in just a few days that even I can't keep up with it all. First of all, let me say this: I HAVE BEEN A VEGAN FOR 40 DAYS! WOOT!

whoa. I think I need to go lie down for awhile. I just freaked myself out.

I decided not to participate in the clinical trial for XL184. Pill or not, it's still chemotherapy with all the nasty side effects and debilitating, life threatening complications. I am all for advancing modern medicine and helping future generations of cancer victims, but I am not going to sacrifice myself for it. Thanks, but no thanks. I'm staying on the path I've chosen and am not going to stray off of it. Bad things happen when you leave the path.

I had a great support group meeting at The Wellness Community the other night. It's really amazing the amount of information we share. A few of them already integrate naturopathic/homeopathic medicine into their lives and treatment regimens. They have great things to say about all of it. They gave me a couple names- one was the naturopath/oncologist that I'd gotten a week ago from the doc at Pinnacle, and one from the Southwest College of Naturopathic Medicine Medical Center.The second guy is a long time cancer survivor- he had stage 4 colon cancer and lived to tell about it. He had done conventional treatments with surgery, chemo and radiation and didn't have much luck with those. I figured that he'd be the perfect one to see, since he knows, on a very personal level.

I spent some of my sleepless night going through my giant stack of medical records to put together a packet for my appointment today. Good thing, because I was rushed this morning- I'd had an intimate love affair with the snooze button on my alarm clock. When I got there I had to fill out a thousand page questionnaire  (I kid) regarding everything from the kind of lotions I use to whether I'd eaten school paste or lead paint chips as a child. A homeopath needs to know these things! Right on time the doc himself came out to get me. I don't know what happened to me, but as soon as I sat down across the desk from him and he smiled at me so gently and asked me why I had come- I burst into tears! UN-BE-LIEVABLE! What a waste of a fabulous makeup job. After my waterworks subsided, he spent the next 3 hours with me going over every single thing on my intake form and digging deeper on several issues such as how I deal with anger, my triggers, stressors, habits, fears, and got very specific on pain details.   

He said he could help me, and that what I'd already started was a wonderful first step on a long road to health and well being, which is made up of a low-fat VEGAN diet, exercise, meditation and supplements. How simple is that? I don't know diddly about supplements, but I'm about to learn a whole lot. Why is it that some have trouble grasping or ignoring these simplest of concepts? Large parts of the world have known these things for thousands of years but modern medicine is the last to embrace it. "Let's hack it-burn it-poison it" instead of  "let's fix it".

He started me on a homeopathic plan and gave me some things to read: The Spectrum by Dean Ornish, M.D., Beyond Flat Earth by Timothy R. Dooley, N.D., M.D., and The China Study by T. Collin Campbell. I am to start a supplement called Nux Vomica, an Eastern remedy which won't cure my cancer but will treat other issues I'm dealing with. We talked about Naltrexone.  It sounds promising. I have a lot more research ahead of me if I can just get some sleeeeeeeep.......

Meanwhile, back at the ranch. . .

I got my packet from the new onc with info on a clinical trial he thinks may be beneficial to me. The trial is for a drug called XL184. I have a lot of information to process before I make any decision. I was very impressed with this new guy. When I asked him his opinion on alternative medicine he said "Patty- I couldn't sit here and talk to you about experimental treatments without having an open mind about other treatment options", and he gave me a card for a Naturopathic Oncologist that he consults with. He is all for things that make his patients feel better, and all the patients he's referred to him have reported just that.

My pain meds have been upped to a Fentanyl patch. I'd been taking dilaudid all week, with little relief. Neither seem to do much for my pain, but instead make me tired and loopy. Will have to discuss this with oncologist. My shoulder is still whacked out. I'm waiting for the MRI authorization to go through, and will start physical therapy next week.

I think my get up and go musta got up and went. I'm so tired.

The Power Of Three

*Three is a mystical number that shows up repeatedly in mythology: three fates, three muses, three graces. Three is a prime component of fairy tales: three wishes, three little pigs, three bears.

Three creates a series, a pattern of cause and effect.

There are three stages of truth: first a concept is rejected, second it is violently opposed, third it is accepted as self-evident.

Three is a basic structure of life: carbohydrates, protein, fat; electron, proton, neutron; past, present, future.

Three is a basic structure of stories: beginning, middle, end.  *from squidoo

Three is the number of times I've had to face cancer and make life-altering decisions about treatment. Apparently, there are only three treatment options available in conventional Western medicine: surgery, chemo, radiation. I've now been offered these choices for a third time. 

Let's review:

I got cancer

I had surgery

I had chemo

I had heart attack

I had more chemo

I had a recurrence

I had more chemo

I had a pulmonary embolism

I had more chemo

I have a new recurrence-
Third time the charm?
Or three strikes and I'm out?

I have three words for you: NO MORE CHEMO. 

Here's three more: NO FUCKING WAY.

And three more: I AM DONE.

Chemotherapy has almost killed me twice. It has caused me more health problems and long term side effects than the cancer itself. My cancer is persistent and progressive. Chemo may damp it down a bit, but it will not cure me. It will only cause more damage- OF THIS I AM SURE. I still have a kid at home, and I need to be fully HERE for him while I'm still here.

So, what now? you ask. 

After much research, soul searching, and a kick in the pants by some of the best alternative, naturopathic, holistic friends and healers alive I've decided to surrender to Mother Nature and God and go the natural route to detox, cleansing, and immune boosting, as well as fully embracing the mind/body connection towards healing. After explaining it to my family, I'm getting full support from them but so far, I've heard: "You're crazy!", and "What the fuck?", and "You're giving up???" But more and more, I'm getting: "It's about time!", and "I'm in!", and "I can hook you up with so and so . . . ".  

This will be a big transformation for me, and there is a lot involved. I've been a meat-and-potatoes girl all my life; raised on cows milk, processed foods,  and preservatives. I've pumped more chemicals and pollutants into my body than should be allowed. I lived in highly industrialized places. I smoked. I drank. I love fat and gravy. And sugar. And those are all just PHYSICAL THINGS that do so much to fuck up our immune systems so badly to invite horrible diseases like diabetes, heart problems and cancer. I haven't even begun to crack the emotional aspects or the spiritual deficits in my life.

I think I shocked my support group at The Wellness Community with that one last night, but they rallied around like they always do, no matter what.The people in my group are in all stages of the cancer journey; some newly diagnosed, some currently in treatment, and some in remission. They seem to be of the same mind that there has GOT to be other ways to treat cancer besides surgery, chemo and radiation, and are interested in helping me find it.

I'm going to be a busy girl. I have a lot to learn, and I WELCOME your thoughts, ideas, connections and experiences in alternative, natural and holistic healing because for me, THIS way is now the ONLY way.

Remember: It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.

Love,