This is my own story of life with advanced ovarian cancer. I do not offer medical advice, and my treatment decisions are my own. Please talk to your physician or healer and gain as much information as you can about this dreadful disease called cancer. Remember, knowledge is Power!

Thursday, October 7

I Didn't Sign Up For This

I don't even know what to say. I mean, I have A LOT of things to say, but am not ready to voice them yet. Here's the skinny on the PET scan results:

1. New prominent soft tissue density along the left pelvic sidewall just deep to the junction of the distal descending colon and sigmoid as detailed. Findings are consistent with metabolically active malignancy.

2. Left internal mammary node is enlarged measuring approximately 1 cm and shows elevated glucose uptake. Findings are consistent with intra-thoracic metastasis.

The black areas are brain, kidneys, bladder- all normal appearing. The internal mammary node isn't visible on this slice of the scan. The thing in the circled area is the new soft tissue density and is quite large.

I learned some new words:  MUGA scan. Doxil. I even made up a few new ones that make the 'F' word sound tame.


  1. I'm really sad about this though probably not as annoyed and sad as you must be. I'm going to look up MUGA scan. Familiar with doxil already. What is the use of more scans?

  2. Thanks, J.
    The MUGA is done to test heart function, and whether it will stand up to more chemo. I had a heart attack last year while on Taxol, so this sounds like a good idea.

  3. Like you, this is NOT....NOT what I prayed for. You know I'm here or there if need be for anything you want, need, think you want, think you need. I love you so freaking much. I HATE CANCER so freaking much!

  4. Oh come the fuck ON! ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Mother Fucker!!!!!!! OK, I'll come back when I get a hold of myself. Sorry for puking on your message list...

    Oh wait, one more thing....
    FUCK CANCER!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  5. My precious sissy, I love you so fucking much and I am still here with you through all of this. I am sooooo, um word?, pissed, scared, heartbroken, I dont know the damn word or feeling anymore. All I do know is every moment, every heartbeat I am praying, pleading and holding back my tears to make this all go away. I need you and will stay strong for you. My sister = MY HERO.

  6. Patty,

    I am so sorry the news isn't better. You shouldn't have to go through all this garbage (and more) again. I'm praying for you. You are a hero. Die cancer die!

    Even though I'm miles and miles away, if you need to talk or a shoulder to cry on, I'm here.

  7. Oh sweet Patty, I am holding your hand through this bullshit...Fucking BULLSHIT!!!
    I just want to SMASH things! I love you so much and HATE that you have to go through this. I'm here ANY time you want/need me...

    If you could give Teresa my love and support also please do so, weather she wants it or not!

    I will continue to pray for you but this is the type of crap that really tests my belief in God...I'm pissed off at him AND cancer right now!
    Love you, love you, love you!!!!!

  8. Thank you to ALL my sisters. I love you all so much! I have a lot to think about, and The Big Guy and I are starting to formulate a plan. It means so much to me to have you with me, in spirit or in the flesh.

    Stay tuned. It's gonna get interesting now.



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