In the 18 months since I was diagnosed and had to deal with this hideous thing called cancer, I have not had one moment's peace- until now. Always worrying about tumor growth, agonizing over treatments, dealing with horrible side effects, trying to take care of everyone else in their denial and worry, trying to jump off the Cancer Train only to be thrown back on again and again- it was too much. It knocked me right on my ass, and it was difficult to pull myself back up. I could feel myself slipping away.
Since I made the decision last week to discontinue any more chemo treatments and turn to alternative, naturopathic and holistic healing approaches, I feel Zen-like. Calm. Comforted. Blessed. Peaceful. It's an amazing transformation. I've had a lot of these transformations lately; from engaged to single, from independent to living with my mom again, from chemo girl to granola girl, etc. It's all been amazing!
I am learning so much about myself; socially, physically, biologically, psychologically, and spiritually. I had to learn to let go, to surrender, to forgive, and to change to be able to heal. I'm on my way, and I can feel it. No matter what happens now, I'm ready for it. I finally get it.