This is my own story of life with advanced ovarian cancer. I do not offer medical advice, and my treatment decisions are my own. Please talk to your physician or healer and gain as much information as you can about this dreadful disease called cancer. Remember, knowledge is Power!

Sunday, November 21

The struggle to appear normal

I am worn out. I know I am neglecting some of those who love me and want my attention, and I'm sorry I'm not available or too tired. But I am so wrapped up in trying to save my life that I have little time for anything else. I can't do all the stuff I want to do. Yesterday I had 3 events I wanted to do: a thing at TWC, my high school reunion, and a friend performing at a comedy club. Back in my Other Life, I would've been able to hit all 3 but now I could only pick one to give it my full presence. I picked the reunion. I had the BEST time! I'm so glad I went. I ate an apple, a salad, had 3 beers and 4 peanuts. Vegan all the way, baby! LOL

I really struggle to appear "normal". To look at me you wouldn't know I was sick at all. Guess I've gotten really good at faking it but I am in pain all of the time. I don't move as quick as I used to. Shit, I can't do most ANYTHING like I used to. I'm back to frequent doctor appointments and tests. My money situation sucks. Insurance doesn't pay for naturopathic doctors or treatments so it's all out of pocket. My kid doesn't hate me anymore but is still not happy living here at Grandma's house. I don't blame him. I wish we lived back at our house, too.

There are many many good things in my life. I have my friends, my family, my support group, new docs, a new church, my blogger buddies, my dog, I'm breathing, I have a Plan, and the sun is gonna come up tomorrow. Here's to another week of sucking it up and moving on.


  1. Pateeta,

    I COMPLETELY understand how you're feeling. Being worn out is such a drag, and being in pain all of the time can be so demanding... and yet, we managed to hide. Stay strong. You've got this.

    P.S. It's great to realize all the amazing things you have in your life. I beat myself up all the time for looking at things as a Negative Nancy. But sometimes, you just need to let it out. We're all here for you. Take care!

  2. I am stunned at your humor and ability to focus on the positive. Glad the boy no longer hates you! Have Teresa keep us posted when you're not feeling like it. Love you.


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