Happy Birthday To Me

Well, I made it to the big 5-0. Woot! This is also my 2 year Cancer-versary. yay me.

Things have been going ok, I guess. My hospice team is absolutely wonderful, and take care of my every need. I have good days and bad days. I've cut down on my pain meds so I can think clearly, but not enough to let the pain in too deeply. That's always there. 

I've been very sad about Jane's passing. It's been on my mind a lot. We never know how much time we have, or what will try to trip us up along the way. I'm just fighting to stay well. You've heard the term "she took to her bed and never left it again". On my bad days, that's what I feel like. Bad days consist of puking and sleeping all day. I've lost almost 50 lbs. in the last 3 months. My butt is completely gone, my breasts are . . . well, just not my breasts any more. Sigh...  Now, I really look sick. It's hard for me to eat more than 4 bites of anything. I've started the tube feeding, but that isn't agreeing with me. I had a total puke fest yesterday after half a can of "supplement". 

The good thing is that today we're all taking a road trip to San Diego! I'm so excited! My whole family and my best friend are going. Everyone is running around madly packing things and trying to make room for all my medical equipment and my drugs. It's a big load. I've been waiting for this trip for so long. I'm returning to the place of my childhood (Coronado) and sticking my feet in the surf at sunset.

So.. wish me luck on my trip, I'll try to update next week. I hope everyone is happy and having good days. Love to all-