This is my own story of life with advanced ovarian cancer. I do not offer medical advice, and my treatment decisions are my own. Please talk to your physician or healer and gain as much information as you can about this dreadful disease called cancer. Remember, knowledge is Power!

Monday, December 20

Rarin' to go

I signed all the consent forms to begin XL 184. Now I'm just waiting for coordination between all my "ologists" to get things going. My blood thinning drug still has to be decided upon- it will be an injectable. I'm not happy about that, but will suck it up for awhile so I can do the clinical trial. If everything goes well, then I'm looking at the first week of January to get started.

I think I'm getting a handle on my meds. I've adjusted to my round the clock narcotics in that I can function on them. I still have break thru pain but handle that with Dilaudid. My bladder problems are getting better it seems- I'm not getting up 3 or 4 times a night to pee. But that could also be attributed to the sleeping pill (Ambien) and the addition of Elavil to make it last longer. I'm actually sleeping a bit now. My bowel problems are still there. I'm waiting to get hooked up with a GI doc for a colonoscopy to see how far up the blockage is. 

I know I've had a lot of negative posts and thoughts lately. I'm sorry. My whole life isn't one big stormy cloud- I do actually experience great moments of joy. I got to keep my grandbaby for a few days last week. We had a Disney Princess movie marathon (my mom has ALL of them), with some Alvin and the Chick-mumps (Emmy's word) thrown in. We had a wonderful time together and luckily, I didn't have to go to the hospital for anything. Thank God for small favors.

The holidays used to make me so sad! When I lived in Chicago, I'd get all weepy around Christmas because I couldn't be with my family in Arizona. Now I'm back in Arizona and actually LIVE with my family, but now my kids aren't here for Christmas. My Boyo just flew out to Chicago to see daddy dearest, and my girl plans on staying home in Flagstaff to try to establish her own Christmas traditions with Em. I could go up there,  but I can't leave my mom home alone at Christmas, and she doesn't want to go. This will be my first Christmas back at home with my mom, so I want to make that special for her. I'll figure it out. I want to take a trip to California for New Year's and spend some time with my Other Brother. I haven't seen him in a few years. If I can swing it, I'm going.

I hope I start getting phone calls from all my docs soon. I want to get this show on the road.


  1. I hope all your wishes come true around the ologists and the holidays. Holidays can be real sad times or we can make our own new traditions. Take mom to the movie on xmas eve if you celebrate opening gifts on xmas morning. The movies are impossible to get into around here on xmas day but xmas eve it's a free for all. I'm invited to an eat-a-thon. Not very practical post gastric bypass surgery. I guess I'll watch.

  2. Thanks Janell. An eat-a-thon wouldn't work for me either right now. My stomach won't hold much more than 4 bites of applesauce and a Tic Tac.

    Loved your old Christmas pics! Makes me want to dig mine out. Some day. lol

  3. Well good for you! Get that show going. I'll be thinking of you this Christmas. I'm sure your mom is thrilled to have you. Every day is special, and it's good to see you embracing each special moment.

    Peace and Love

  4. yay! so chuffed you're going for it. And Christmas pretty much sucks at our house this year - I shall be mainly drinking wine and worrying about my next check up in Jan - oh, and trying to stop the Wild Things destroying the entire house.
    But I shall keep some space in my head for you- sending you LOTS of good thoughts. May the New Year be better and the ologists get their butts into gear sooner rather than later.
    Good luck.


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