Happy Birthday To Me

Well, I made it to the big 5-0. Woot! This is also my 2 year Cancer-versary. yay me.

Things have been going ok, I guess. My hospice team is absolutely wonderful, and take care of my every need. I have good days and bad days. I've cut down on my pain meds so I can think clearly, but not enough to let the pain in too deeply. That's always there. 

I've been very sad about Jane's passing. It's been on my mind a lot. We never know how much time we have, or what will try to trip us up along the way. I'm just fighting to stay well. You've heard the term "she took to her bed and never left it again". On my bad days, that's what I feel like. Bad days consist of puking and sleeping all day. I've lost almost 50 lbs. in the last 3 months. My butt is completely gone, my breasts are . . . well, just not my breasts any more. Sigh...  Now, I really look sick. It's hard for me to eat more than 4 bites of anything. I've started the tube feeding, but that isn't agreeing with me. I had a total puke fest yesterday after half a can of "supplement". 

The good thing is that today we're all taking a road trip to San Diego! I'm so excited! My whole family and my best friend are going. Everyone is running around madly packing things and trying to make room for all my medical equipment and my drugs. It's a big load. I've been waiting for this trip for so long. I'm returning to the place of my childhood (Coronado) and sticking my feet in the surf at sunset.

So.. wish me luck on my trip, I'll try to update next week. I hope everyone is happy and having good days. Love to all-

Remembering Jayne

Jayne was a beautiful, wonderful, inspirational woman who wrote a blog called Shopping Kharma.  She'd been battling this fucking ovarian cancer for 10 years and it's so hard to believe she is gone. I've cried buckets of tears for her and her husband Jimmy. Jayne was so helpful to so many people. She spoke her mind, and shared a lot of her life with us. She loved her husband deeply and would write about him a lot. Her words really moved me, and she will be missed terribly. If you're the praying kind, please send some up for Jimmy and those who loved her. Goodbye, Jayne. You were so loved. Thank you for all you did for me. You are a true angel.

I loved you.

Hi friends of Pateeta, it's Melissa, her daughter. My Mom is sitting next to me so I will type her words.

She had surgery on the right lung to drain fluid. It was the same that was performed on the left, the Talc pleurodesis. While the doc was in there, he did remove a tumor that had metastasized from the diaphragm. So, there WAS metastases to the lung.
She's in a lot of pain, and is having trouble breathing on the right side. She is hitting her pain button a lot, and is all tangled up in tubes and pissed off about it. She just wanted to update. She says if she gets out of here, the party is this weekend. She (and me too!) Says thank you all for your love and support.

I will update as I am asked to. Ginny, if you want to come she is on the ICU at Good Sam.

Love to all,

Back At The Ranch

Also known as the hospital. The hospice Xray dude came yesterday to check out my right lung and it showed moderate pleural effusion on the right lung and small effusion on the left (which had already been fixed). Waiting for admission to get a bed for me.I'll keep you postedp