One Week Down

10/10/10 (nice day to start a new life, huh?)

Step One:  STOP POISONING MYSELF!! Eliminate all alcohol, sugar, processed foods, meat and dairy products from diet. Bye-bye, Babyface. I'll miss you.

Consume as much fruits, veggies, leafy greens as possible. Good thing I love that stuff- No problem there! As my friend Shannon Rose says: Eat the rainbow!

Went to my local Sprouts and bought all kinds of leafy greens, brightly colored peppers, organic stuff. 'Scuse me, RAW organic stuff! I bought this vinegar- Holy cow, it's so good!

And this: tastes like ass  Organic Flax Oil- YUM! Put it in smoothies, or with that tasty vinegar on salad or veggies. But don't take it straight. I'm just sayin'. . .

Stuff I tried:              

Not bad in a smoothie, okay in coffee, definitely an acquired taste

 

 

Dude. WOW.  Pretty soon I'll learn how to make this stuff. WOW.

Other things I ate: 

vegetarian chili with whole wheat pasta (AWESOME)

roasted veggies (peppers, zukes, squash, garlic, yams, onions) with safflower oil and spices (AWESOME)

organic whole grain bread (GOOD) with organic RAW honey (BETTER)

lots of salads with interesting veggies (REALLY GOOD) and that BADASS VINEGAR (WAY BETTER!)

smoothies with banana (always), green stuff, juices. (REALLY GOOD til you add flax oil)

Other things I did towards my New Life of Healthy Living:

Went to my support group at TWC.

Read, researched, walked, laughed, hung out with my girls all week, went to Flagstaff, loved.

Today I'm going to The Mind Body Connection program at TWC.
Thursday, also at TWC, is a class called Five Wishes. It shows you how to create a Living Will and deal with those issues.

You know, I really can't say enough good things about The Wellness Community. Almost every day there is something interesting, informative, fun, therapeutic, and educational- from networking groups specific to your cancer, to general support groups, kid stuff, exercise, yoga, meditation, art, book club, and Cooking For Life, as well as speakers on genetic counseling, new technology, information on clinical trials, chemo brain, dealing with side effects, and living your life during and after cancer. I have learned so much there! And I've made some wonderful new friends. I EVEN GOT MY KID TO GO, and if you know us, you know how hard that was to pull off. (he's 14 and has a hard time dealing with it- so he doesn't). If you have TWC in your area, I encourage you to GO. Best of all, it's totally free.

Oh yeah- last week I had my cardiology and pulmonology follow ups. Here's what they had to say:

Cardiologist: (when asked if HE would do chemo, not only once or twice, but a third time) "Well, Patty- as a medical doctor, I would encourage you to talk to your oncologist about your plan. He's a smart guy (I know). Personally, I would try chemo again. Then again, I wouldn't do the whole lifestyle change, either- if it came down to the matter of what I eat and how long I'm gonna live, I'll take the steak every time. ALSO, I do recommend getting the MUGA (heart scan) done whether you decide to do chemo or not".

Honesty is his policy, I guess. I like it. He ALSO (ding ding ding!) said I could go off the BP meds I've been on since I had the heart attack last year. He told me to stay on the Coumadin (blood thinner) for awhile and he will monitor that weekly for me.

Pulmonologist: Well, Patty- it looks like your lungs are clear, and that the Valley Fever seems to have resolved. You can quit taking the Diflucan (anti-fungal) now. I'll be interested to see how your choices turn out! I would advise you to thoroughly research naturopathic doctors and nutritionists, because "anyone" can claim to be a nutritionist or a naturopath. Make sure they are N.M.D., and a Registered Dietician before embarking on your new journey towards better living. Call me when you need me!" I really love that guy.

Tomorrow (tomorrow, there's always tomorrow) I get to lay all this on my oncologist- my decision to not do any more chemotherapy, my desire to detox and purify my body, and my commitment to healthy living and well being. Hopefully, he will give me full support. After all, I do still have cancer, and he is my oncologist. It's not like he's going to drop me as a patient or anything just because I don't want any more chemo. I still need to have labwork done and a scan now and then to see how things look. I will ask him why a biopsy was not offered. Hmm.

So that was my week. How was yours? Love you all!

Fall in Flagstaff

The Power Of Three

*Three is a mystical number that shows up repeatedly in mythology: three fates, three muses, three graces. Three is a prime component of fairy tales: three wishes, three little pigs, three bears.

Three creates a series, a pattern of cause and effect.

There are three stages of truth: first a concept is rejected, second it is violently opposed, third it is accepted as self-evident.

Three is a basic structure of life: carbohydrates, protein, fat; electron, proton, neutron; past, present, future.

Three is a basic structure of stories: beginning, middle, end.  *from squidoo

Three is the number of times I've had to face cancer and make life-altering decisions about treatment. Apparently, there are only three treatment options available in conventional Western medicine: surgery, chemo, radiation. I've now been offered these choices for a third time. 

Let's review:

I got cancer

I had surgery

I had chemo

I had heart attack

I had more chemo

I had a recurrence

I had more chemo

I had a pulmonary embolism

I had more chemo

I have a new recurrence-
Third time the charm?
Or three strikes and I'm out?

I have three words for you: NO MORE CHEMO. 

Here's three more: NO FUCKING WAY.

And three more: I AM DONE.

Chemotherapy has almost killed me twice. It has caused me more health problems and long term side effects than the cancer itself. My cancer is persistent and progressive. Chemo may damp it down a bit, but it will not cure me. It will only cause more damage- OF THIS I AM SURE. I still have a kid at home, and I need to be fully HERE for him while I'm still here.

So, what now? you ask. 

After much research, soul searching, and a kick in the pants by some of the best alternative, naturopathic, holistic friends and healers alive I've decided to surrender to Mother Nature and God and go the natural route to detox, cleansing, and immune boosting, as well as fully embracing the mind/body connection towards healing. After explaining it to my family, I'm getting full support from them but so far, I've heard: "You're crazy!", and "What the fuck?", and "You're giving up???" But more and more, I'm getting: "It's about time!", and "I'm in!", and "I can hook you up with so and so . . . ".  

This will be a big transformation for me, and there is a lot involved. I've been a meat-and-potatoes girl all my life; raised on cows milk, processed foods,  and preservatives. I've pumped more chemicals and pollutants into my body than should be allowed. I lived in highly industrialized places. I smoked. I drank. I love fat and gravy. And sugar. And those are all just PHYSICAL THINGS that do so much to fuck up our immune systems so badly to invite horrible diseases like diabetes, heart problems and cancer. I haven't even begun to crack the emotional aspects or the spiritual deficits in my life.

I think I shocked my support group at The Wellness Community with that one last night, but they rallied around like they always do, no matter what.The people in my group are in all stages of the cancer journey; some newly diagnosed, some currently in treatment, and some in remission. They seem to be of the same mind that there has GOT to be other ways to treat cancer besides surgery, chemo and radiation, and are interested in helping me find it.

I'm going to be a busy girl. I have a lot to learn, and I WELCOME your thoughts, ideas, connections and experiences in alternative, natural and holistic healing because for me, THIS way is now the ONLY way.

Remember: It's not nice to fool Mother Nature.

Love,

Epiphany

I've had one. It all makes sense now, and I know what I'm supposed to do. I just wish I'd thought of it sooner.

To be continued. . . . .

What's that game called?

You know- the one where you tell one person something, then they tell another person, who tells another, who tells another, and so on...

My brother called me today and said "I heard it through the grapevine, and now I just want to hear it from you. Do you have a banana in your colon?" Of course I screeched for my mom (because she tends to mix things up a little sometimes, and my new tumor IS kinda banana-shaped) and asked her "DID YOU TELL FRANK I HAD A BANANA IN MY COLON???"

With a totally straight face she said "Is that like a tater in your tailpipe?" God, I love my family.

I Didn't Sign Up For This

I don't even know what to say. I mean, I have A LOT of things to say, but am not ready to voice them yet. Here's the skinny on the PET scan results:

1. New prominent soft tissue density along the left pelvic sidewall just deep to the junction of the distal descending colon and sigmoid as detailed. Findings are consistent with metabolically active malignancy.

2. Left internal mammary node is enlarged measuring approximately 1 cm and shows elevated glucose uptake. Findings are consistent with intra-thoracic metastasis.

The black areas are brain, kidneys, bladder- all normal appearing. The internal mammary node isn't visible on this slice of the scan. The thing in the circled area is the new soft tissue density and is quite large.

I learned some new words:  MUGA scan. Doxil. I even made up a few new ones that make the 'F' word sound tame.

A Call To My Peeps:

I need a boost, my friends. My oncology appointment is tomorrow to discuss PET scan results. I haven't slept in 3 days. My sister is back in the hospital undergoing tests for bowel issues- she had a colon resection 6 months ago. Now I have some weird bowel issues going on. Sympathetic symptoms, maybe? A bug? Bad oysters after my PET scan on Friday? I know, what was I thinking? (actually, I was thinking I should load up on all that raw-fishy-sushi stuff now in case I had to start chemo again and wasn't allowed to have it. My mind works in strange ways). I am STRESSED OUT. In pain. Scared. AGAIN! How many times do I have to go through this? 


So- if it wouldn't be too much, would y'all mind sending good thoughts my way? Send it in whatever way blows your skirt up- pray, rattle 'dem bones, knock on wood, rub your lucky rock, telepathy- I ain't picky. I'll take them all. Some for my sister wouldn't be bad, either. Thank you.


Lord, give me strength. Amen.



 

A Letter From Lance

Dear Patty, Thirteen years ago today, I was diagnosed with cancer. Every year since then, October 2 has served as a reminder to me that even though cancer left my body, it will always be a part of my life. And thanks to the commitment of LIVESTRONG supporters like you, what was a personal anniversary is now a day that the entire community can rally around. It’s a day when we come together and wear yellow, attend events and renew our commitment to fight cancer for as long as it takes—and to do our part to raise awareness of the 28 million people fighting cancer worldwide. LIVESTRONG Day is a declaration that we won’t quit and  we won’t retreat. That’s why events today will have a real impact by making our voice even louder: www.livestrong.org/livestrongday  With each passing year, it becomes clearer that one day we’ll reach our goal of a world without cancer. So many survivors are standing tall right now. So many friends, family members, and supporters are providing the strength and courage it takes to fight this disease. The world needs to hear that defeating cancer is our highest priority. I appreciate all that you’re doing today to make that global statement loud and clear. Thanks, Lance Armstrong P.S. Watch this powerful video LIVESTRONG put together showing what this day means—and carry this message with you today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hL8mCjS0Noc Thank you, Lance. You are such an inspiration to many! Now I'm off to my support group at The Wellness Community. Have a great day, everyone! I am LIVINGSTRONG today.

Still waiting

We FINALLY got authorization to my PET scan. Good thing, cuz I'm about ready to hit the ER for some pain control. I've been on vicodin for the past few days, and I HATE that. It doesn't help much, it just makes me care less about the pain. We're still moving stuff around, unpacking, etc. so I'm exhausted and feel like I've been hit by a bus. I wish!
My PET scan scheduled for  today at 1pm. I'm up stuffing my face at the moment since I can't eat or drink later. Stay tuned for Tales From The PET Store. In theaters next week. 

Ditched On The Dance Floor

Yep. That NED, the fickle bastard, has dumped me AGAIN!! Without so much as a goodbye, au revoir, or a kiss my ass. I mean, sure. I like to dance by myself, but COME ON, NED! I was just getting my rhythm back! Shit.

New onc is booking me for a PET scan asap. He said I may be a candidate for surgery if everything is in one piece, but if it's all scattered around then I'm looking at more chemo. Huh. We'll see about that. He said the words "sigmoid" and "colon" a lot. Shit, and double shit.

Goodbye NED.

SHIT.


*NED= No Evidence of Disease

CT Results

"Oh! Don't forget to take this to the oncologist on Thursday" the nurse said, handing my my CT results as I was walking out the door of my pcp office. (he is out of town so couldn't give me a rundown on the results).

Findings:
Lungs: irregular increased opacity in the paramedian right middle lobe and lingula which are indeterminate (of course). Ovoid noncalcified nodule left lower lobe, measuring 8 mm in size and indeterminate (of course).

Liver: demonstrates inhomogeneous density. Regions of geographic increased density in the subcapsular portions of the right lobe near the dome measuring 6.3 and 4.5 cm in size. Band of increased density right caudal hepatic lobe measuring 3.4 cm.

There is diastasis of the rectus abdominus muscle by about 5 cm in the periumbilic region with possible small fat-containing periumbilical hernia.

Pelvic views: Abnormal increased density in the area of the lower left colon and in the area of the sigmoid colon.

Impression:
1. Inhomogeneous enhancement of the liver. Metastatic deposits cannot be excluded in the proper clinical setting and direct comparison to any prior CTs could be helpful to see if this is an old or new finding. (ya think?)

2. post-surgical change in the periumbilical area with possible fat-containing periumbilical hernia.

3. Atherosclerotic plaque in the aortic wall without aneurysm (well hooray for that).

4. Abnormal increased density surrounding the lower left colon and sigmoid region. This may be from recent surgical intervention although fatty infiltration due to local spread of metastatic disease is not excluded in the given clinical setting.
____________________________________________________

Tomorrow I'll find out what all this means. Hold my hand, will ya? Thanks.

What's in a number?

Hmmm, where did we leave off? Oh yeah, the moving, the breakup, and the yada yada yada. I finally got the moving done. Well, let's just say all my crap is outa the apartment and partially in storage and partially here at my mom's house. My mom is having the floors redone so I'm not going to move my big stuff in here until the new carpet is in. That stuff is heavy, and I'm only moving it once (more).

The breakup is done. I swear, that was the longest breakup I've ever had, with all the moving and whatnot. We've kept it civil, we're amicable, and we'll try to stay friends. Maybe I'll get over my resentment now that I'm not depending on him for anything.

On to the yada yada yada. Yeah. I really don't want to go there, but I must. I saw my PCP last week to talk about weaning off some of my meds and to check out some pain I've been having- not just the upper abdominal thing that I think is nerve damage/scar tissue, but a new, lower, pelvic pain. I was trying to think what I had left in there that would hurt so much; my bladder? my colon? This pain has gotten progressively worse over the last month, and I'm sure moving boxes and furniture hasn't helped it much. But this pain is beyond strained muscles. And I'm actually FEELING lumpy-type things down there. My PCP said it "may" be a hernia that developed after my surgery last year. But he doesn't think so.

He's ordering a new pelvic/abdominal CT scan for me- I'll get that next week. He wrote up a referral to the new oncologist I need to see, since I have no insurance now and have to change docs. I'll see him on Thursday. He did some labwork.

My CA-125, which has been very low for a year, is now at 205. Are you ready for Round 3? Plan D? FUCK. ME.

Emily

My 4 year old grandbaby, The Divine Miss Em, a.k.a. Emilita, Emmy G. (her rap name) or Pook. What a sweet respite in this mad month of packing, moving, and breaking up. She is one beautiful bundle of happiness. Thank you, God.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...

My extended vacation seems like I dreamed it. If I didn't have pictures and souvenirs I'd really have to wonder, because my memory is shot. I know I had fun, though!

You can escape life once in awhile, but it always catches up with you. I spent 19 days gleefully running in the cornfields of the Midwest getting my Zen on, and just absorbing friends and life and summer and freedom. Then I come home and all the world's problems (mine) are still there. I wasn't back 3 days before I was having chest pain again, anxiety attacks, and a lot of anger and stress. It's not easy living with an alcoholic and a 14 year old boy. Sage advice was to remove the stressors from my life. Can't get rid of the kid, but the man is definitely out. We have some irreconcilable differences and, based on our history, I don't trust him to take care of me if I get sick again. And he loves Bacardi much more than me.

I've had to make a lot of hard decisions. I'm unemployed and on disability now, so my finances aren't great. If I get sick again, I need to be somewhere I KNOW I'll be taken care of, and where my kid will be safe and looked after. I decided to move back to my mom's house in Phoenix. She's got room for us (and my dog), and it'll be a good thing. An adjustment, of course, but we'll make it work. My kid hates me, of course. He just started high school last week and doesn't want to be away from his friends. I totally understand that, and plan on keeping him at the school he's at, for this year, at least. He knows there are a few circumstances where I'd have to transfer him to a school closer to Mom's house.

It's gonna be a busy month; packing, sorting, weeding, downsizing, finding storage, cleaning, and moving. My heart aches for letting my dude go, but I know it's for the best. My path has just taken a sharp turn from his.

As far as my cancer goes, I'm in a holding pattern. Nothing zappable showed up on the scans last month so we wait. I had my barium swallow test to check out my throat. I am happy to say that there were no tumors, but I do have esophageal spasms and reflux now, apparently caused by chemo. Thanks a lot, chemo! You're the gift that just keeps on giving! Like herpes!

I still have chemo brain, chronic tinnitus, a sharp, stabbing pain close to my incision site (nerve damage, I'm almost positive), insomnia, and the attention span of a Labrador. But I'm alive, my eyebrows are almost back, and I have a great tan. (ha) I'm just trying to deal. One day at a time.

Jiggity Jig

I'm back home. The Midwest Pattypalooza Tour was awesome, fulfilling, green, delicious, insightful, beautiful, HOT, exciting, restful, sweet, soul-cleansing, happy, HUMID, peaceful, nostalgic, wonderful, full of laughter, and I didn't even bleed. And there was corn. Lots and lots of corn. What happens in the corn field stays in the corn field.

Yes

Just a quickie....

...before I hop on a plane and get outa Dodge-

Saw the onc. PET scan is "good", meaning that some of the lung nodules are smaller, and others are gone. That thing in my throat lit up, and I'm going to get a barium swallow test that the GI doc is ordering. Hopefully, it's just an infection. It makes perfect sense- I have a staph infection in my sinuses, and since chemo did a number on my mouth and GI tract, why wouldn't it affect my esophagus? Right? I'm holding onto that. Still having trouble swallowing, but I'll live.

So- as far as active cancer- the doc says he doesn't see anything new and that he'd only give me more chemo if I begged him to. THAT. WILL. BE. THE. DAY.

Will write more when I'm able- am off to the Midwest on a Magical Mystery Tour. Thanks for all your good thoughts and prayers. I love you all!

DEFCON 3

I'm really struggling here. My PET scan is in 2 days and I'm so stressed out, over-medicated, pissed off, scared, and just plain tired of all this cancer bullshit. Yes- I usually keep a positive attitude, look on the bright side, be optimistic, yada yada yada. But it's so hard to keep my game-face on all the time for everyone else. It's exhausting.

Sometimes I feel really, really alone, especially at home where you'd think I'd get the most support. But the kid still won't talk about it, and the man is still in his protective bubble of denial. Just the last week he said "I didn't know you were at stage III-C! I thought you were, like, stage I! There's only stage 4 left!"

NO SHIT?? REALLY?? UHH, HELL-OOOOO, I STARTED OUT WITH STAGE III-C 15 MONTHS AGO. WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?? YOU'RE JUST NOW LOOKIN' SHIT UP?? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH ALL THIS TIME?? PULL YOUR FUCKING HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS! OH. MY. GOD!!!

I started a new weekly support group in addition to my monthly ovarian cancer networking group at The Wellness Community because a month is too long for me to go without being with people who totally, truly get me and can help me learn some better coping skills, no matter what is going on at home. I'll be taking the kid with me soon and putting him in the teen group, because he definitely needs some help dealing with this. After all that's happened (cancer, chemo, heart attack, recurrence, more chemo, pulmonary embolism, etc.) he thinks I'm immortal, and that nothing will kill me except a beheading. I wish. At least I would see that coming.

I had to have that Just-In-Case Talk with my mom, who also doesn't want to talk about 'that', but understands my need to set some things up. No one will make medical decisions for me. I'm making a Living Will to make sure of it. After seeing what my dad, my ex-FIL and my friends have gone through, I am adamant about not being hooked up, plugged in, zapped, or cut open any more if and when the time comes. Why is it so hard for some people to accept that? Just back me up on whatever decision I make is all I'm asking (demanding).

Everyone says "Oh, you're not going to die!" Well, yes. I am. I'm not being a Negative Nellie (sorry, Kat), either. Everyone dies eventually. I try to explain that the only difference between getting hit by a bus or dropping dead of a heart attack and having cancer is that when you have cancer, you have a LOT more time to think about it. Most people don't get to plan anything. Have you ever tried to plan your own funeral? I don't want to be buried. Cremation has always been desirable to me. I'm donating my body to Science Care. Check it out. I want a 3 day party with bagpipers, whiskey, and a keg or 3. I have a special playlist on my iPod for the occasion. They aren't sad "Arms of the Angel" songs. It's only Rock and Roll (but I like it, like it, yes i do). You'll probably hear one or 20 or your favorites. Eat, drink, be merry, dance, love, laugh. It's what we'd be doing anyway, right? It will be on a weekend, and you're all invited. I'll keep ya posted.

Oh, Emergency Room, how I've missed you

NOT!

This month sucks. It's the in-between-chemo and PET scan-waiting-waiting-waiting month. My stress and anxiety levels are high. I'm on too many medications. My jaw where I had the 2 molars pulled just aches and throbs, even 10 days later.

Saturday I woke up, got ready to go to The Wellness Community for my ovarian cancer support group, and popped my handful of meds to start my day. It felt like they didn't go down all the way, like they were stuck in my throat. I kept drinking water but the feeling persisted. I made it to my meeting and a wonderful time with my group. Then I went to my mom's house and hung out for awhile. My chest still felt tight but I was thinking it was just stress and I'd take a xanax after I got home. I did that, and it seemed to improve slightly (the chest tightness), but it was still there. There was nothing else going on with it, like arm or jaw pain so I tried to ignore it. (last year, I had an actual heart attack that started out/felt the same way, like something was stuck in my throat)

The feeling persisted the rest of the day (with several hot flashes thrown in for fun), sometimes worse, sometimes better. It wasn't "acting" like a heart attack, so I held out until I got really freaked out about it. I went to the ER at 9 pm for a cardiac /pulmonary embolism workup: triage, EKG, labs, chest X-ray, chest CT. Tests were negative for heart attack and blood clots. I got a shot of morphine and was sent home at midnight.

Today, the feeling still persists, like there is a . . . . ball of something, or an obstruction in my esophagus/ bronchial tubes. I feel pressure when I take a deep breath. I'm going to give my oncologist a call and then check out a GI doc. I'm hoping it's just STRESS, but will see if I can get it scoped. They don't do that in the ER. I did get a new supply of Eme-bags though.

Wish me luck.

I'm Melting! Melting! OOHHhhhhhhh. . . .

I've been done with chemo for 2 weeks now. I still feel like crap, but it eases up just a little bit every day, except for the hot flashes- they come regularly, for about 20 hours out of every 24. Can you actually die from a hot flash? And do people really spontaneously combust? I'm beginning to think so.

It "could" be the chemo exiting my body. Cool! Be gone, Demon! Take your cancer with you! And be quick about it! Or it could be that it's been over 100 degrees in Phoenix lately. Or it could be just the fun part of surgically induced menopause- what a riot! But if I'm flashing, then I'm still living, so I'm grateful for it. No, really. I'll make a list of all the reasons I'm grateful for hot flashes. I'll get right on that.

I wish someone had told me that I should see a dentist before starting chemo, because shortly after I finished it, I had to do it again. Most dentists don't want to touch you while you're on chemo. Six different chemo drugs over a year really does a number on your mouth, but it seemed like in the last month everything just accelerated. Major gum problems, bone loss, and I had to have 2 molars pulled on Friday and a temporary bridge put in. I don't feel like Susie Sunshine today, but at least it's a start to fixing the problem.

That sinus thing I've been going on about; the dripping, bleeding, just won't heal- turns out I have a staph infection in there. More anti-biotics for me: Doxycycline twice a day for a month (with a REFILL). Shit. Doesn't go well with the Coumadin, either, so we'll have to monitor my INR (clotting factor) more frequently. It was pretty low today, so I'm still bleeding Kool-Ade. The dentist said the doxycycline should be okay for the tooth thing, (its usually Penicillin for that stuff) but it's been 4 days and still hurts like hell. I'll be calling him after lunch.

Saturday was National Cancer Survivor's Day. I wasn't able to attend last year because I was in the hospital with a heart attack but this year was good. Rico and the Boyo came with me to The Wellness Community in Phoenix and they got to see where I go for my support group, be part of the drumming circle, hear some music and some stories, and a very nice lunch was provided. Let's just see how many Cancer Survivor's Days I can get under my belt.

My PET scan is scheduled for the 22d, and I'll see the doc on the 29th. No matter WHAT the doc says, good or bad- I'm gonna blow outa here for 2 weeks for a much needed Soul Vacation/Reboot/Wild Windy City-Midwest-Escape to Wisconsin Pilgrimage/Straighten Shit Out/Farewell Tour thing before implementing Plan D, whatever that may be. There will be no doctor visits, labs, scans, tests, hospitals, or anything medical-I don't even want to see a fucking Band-Aid during this trip.

I'm hunkering down and trying to stay off the radar for now. Hunker with me, would ya? Or, better yet- yank me up off my ass.
Love