Ain't it always the way? The good, the bad, and the ugly- battling it out. At least for me, it is. I'll share the good stuff first: 

Tomorrow (today,actually) I get to attend a conference on Ayurvedic Medicine. It is a free program sponsored by the Ovarian Cancer Alliance of Arizona. I am so lucky that there are so many programs in Arizona for cancer survivors! And this one is right up my alley; exactly the kind of stuff I'd like to integrate into my healing program. I'm sad that I have to miss my monthly ovarian cancer support group at TWC, but half of us are going to the conference anyway. There's free food involved. : )

The Boyo and I went to the kid2kid thing again on Tuesday night. We met a couple new families, diagnosed a month ago. I wish I'd been able to get us started with TWC within a month after diagnosis! But better late than never. It's been most helpful to all of us.

I'm doing great on the vegan transformation. Not totally on juicing yet, and still cooking a little bit, but very soon will begin my juice fasting and go completely RAW.The good part is that it's starting to work.

The bad part of the vegan/juicing/detox is that it's starting to work. My face is breaking out. I'm so tired I can hardly keep my eyes open, but I can't sleep for shit. I'm cranky. I'm eating/drinking so many leafy greens that it affects my INR values and my Coumadin has to be adjusted weekly. It's all over the place. 

The ugly part is the pains I get in my liver, kidneys, bladder & bowels as the nutrients in the juices do their work of detoxing. Also ugly is the horrendous pain in my shoulder that causes me to cry in my sleep when I roll over on it. I didn't do anything to it, it's just fucked up. I got some Lidoderm patches to put on it, and will schedule an MRI and some physical therapy soon. Whee. More scans and more doctors.

Worst yet is the pelvic pain. My oncologist had to pull out the big guns since the vicodin, percocet, ultram, and about 5 other things aren't helping any more. He wrote me a Rx for Dilaudid to take as needed. My other option for pain control was to go on full time morphine, which would effectively shut me down. I'm not quite ready to be shut down yet. I've got shit to do! But the dilaudid shut me down the other night and I wasn't able to go to my weekly group. bah.

The Big Ugly: my CA-125 is jacked up to 1,000 from 205 two months ago.

My oncologist is still pushing more chemo and says I can change my mind any time. He is really a nice guy, and wants what (he thinks) is best for me. He strongly encouraged me to keep my appointment next week with Pinnacle Oncology to see if I qualify for any clinical trials. I promised him I would- It can't hurt to hear what they've got going on. I may be stubborn but I'm not stupid.

Maybe there is a non-cyto-toxic compound they are trying that comes in a pill form. Or new stuff that only kills cancer cells and not every other damn thing in your body. Or I can gnaw on the bark of the Chinese Happy Tree. Hey, I'm even willing to fully embrace medical marijuana. I knew there were medicinal purposes for pot! sigh.. the sacrifices I make...  Yesterday we got a 50/50 vote on Prop 203. Can you believe that? But apparently they are still counting votes so it ain't over yet. Bite me, Russell Pearce.

I'm gonna be really pissed if I die before they pass that law.

One Week Down

10/10/10 (nice day to start a new life, huh?)

Step One:  STOP POISONING MYSELF!! Eliminate all alcohol, sugar, processed foods, meat and dairy products from diet. Bye-bye, Babyface. I'll miss you.

Consume as much fruits, veggies, leafy greens as possible. Good thing I love that stuff- No problem there! As my friend Shannon Rose says: Eat the rainbow!

Went to my local Sprouts and bought all kinds of leafy greens, brightly colored peppers, organic stuff. 'Scuse me, RAW organic stuff! I bought this vinegar- Holy cow, it's so good!

And this: tastes like ass  Organic Flax Oil- YUM! Put it in smoothies, or with that tasty vinegar on salad or veggies. But don't take it straight. I'm just sayin'. . .

Stuff I tried:              

Not bad in a smoothie, okay in coffee, definitely an acquired taste

 

 

Dude. WOW.  Pretty soon I'll learn how to make this stuff. WOW.

Other things I ate: 

vegetarian chili with whole wheat pasta (AWESOME)

roasted veggies (peppers, zukes, squash, garlic, yams, onions) with safflower oil and spices (AWESOME)

organic whole grain bread (GOOD) with organic RAW honey (BETTER)

lots of salads with interesting veggies (REALLY GOOD) and that BADASS VINEGAR (WAY BETTER!)

smoothies with banana (always), green stuff, juices. (REALLY GOOD til you add flax oil)

Other things I did towards my New Life of Healthy Living:

Went to my support group at TWC.

Read, researched, walked, laughed, hung out with my girls all week, went to Flagstaff, loved.

Today I'm going to The Mind Body Connection program at TWC.
Thursday, also at TWC, is a class called Five Wishes. It shows you how to create a Living Will and deal with those issues.

You know, I really can't say enough good things about The Wellness Community. Almost every day there is something interesting, informative, fun, therapeutic, and educational- from networking groups specific to your cancer, to general support groups, kid stuff, exercise, yoga, meditation, art, book club, and Cooking For Life, as well as speakers on genetic counseling, new technology, information on clinical trials, chemo brain, dealing with side effects, and living your life during and after cancer. I have learned so much there! And I've made some wonderful new friends. I EVEN GOT MY KID TO GO, and if you know us, you know how hard that was to pull off. (he's 14 and has a hard time dealing with it- so he doesn't). If you have TWC in your area, I encourage you to GO. Best of all, it's totally free.

Oh yeah- last week I had my cardiology and pulmonology follow ups. Here's what they had to say:

Cardiologist: (when asked if HE would do chemo, not only once or twice, but a third time) "Well, Patty- as a medical doctor, I would encourage you to talk to your oncologist about your plan. He's a smart guy (I know). Personally, I would try chemo again. Then again, I wouldn't do the whole lifestyle change, either- if it came down to the matter of what I eat and how long I'm gonna live, I'll take the steak every time. ALSO, I do recommend getting the MUGA (heart scan) done whether you decide to do chemo or not".

Honesty is his policy, I guess. I like it. He ALSO (ding ding ding!) said I could go off the BP meds I've been on since I had the heart attack last year. He told me to stay on the Coumadin (blood thinner) for awhile and he will monitor that weekly for me.

Pulmonologist: Well, Patty- it looks like your lungs are clear, and that the Valley Fever seems to have resolved. You can quit taking the Diflucan (anti-fungal) now. I'll be interested to see how your choices turn out! I would advise you to thoroughly research naturopathic doctors and nutritionists, because "anyone" can claim to be a nutritionist or a naturopath. Make sure they are N.M.D., and a Registered Dietician before embarking on your new journey towards better living. Call me when you need me!" I really love that guy.

Tomorrow (tomorrow, there's always tomorrow) I get to lay all this on my oncologist- my decision to not do any more chemotherapy, my desire to detox and purify my body, and my commitment to healthy living and well being. Hopefully, he will give me full support. After all, I do still have cancer, and he is my oncologist. It's not like he's going to drop me as a patient or anything just because I don't want any more chemo. I still need to have labwork done and a scan now and then to see how things look. I will ask him why a biopsy was not offered. Hmm.

So that was my week. How was yours? Love you all!